Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
