okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
