dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize