What did we do last night that was yellow?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
