I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
