you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
