I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
