Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
