Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
