I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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