last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
