Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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