Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
