am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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