Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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