I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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