can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
