I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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