I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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