you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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