Need sex. Gaining weight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
