Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
