What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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