this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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