I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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