After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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