My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
