oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
