How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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