did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
