I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
