Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
