OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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