im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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