If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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