Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
