Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
