me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
