and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
