you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
