You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
