my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Found the puke drawer
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
