So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
