Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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