I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
