She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
