But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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