come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
