she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
