I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
