evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
