If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
