with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
