Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
